Anger
Anger
I
have been thinking about this topic for a while now, and studying my
reactions to it and the hatred normally present behind the anger. Of
course we can get angry without hatred of things, but it always seems
to be there lurking.
But
why do we get angry at all ?
What
does it require to be angry, and why does it affect us so badly ?
Like
me you may have noticed that anger doesn't seem to breed any good
feeling at all. If anything it actually seems to lower our spirit of
general well being, vexing us and causing untold angst in the future.
It robs us of a calm heart and good feeling towards the object of our
anger. Often that object is a person, whom we claim to love deeply,
or an object we say that we cherish. Yet for a moment, or longer
depending on what we resolve at that time, the pain caused from anger
keeps us hyping up the real event, or the occasion that we deem
responsible. And that anger may lead us to do something out of
character or worse, beyond reasonable response.
The
trouble with anger, it can so easily turn to rage, especially if we
are used to not stopping the anger in its tracks quickly. Then it
becomes almost impossible to determine what we will do or how we will
refrain from over cooking the response. Rationality can go out of the
window, along with the frying pan (don't ask..) and then all manner
of new problems will then present themselves, which can be as
annoying as the original concern. So you see anger leads to more
problems than you started with and can often perpetuate the downward
spiral of emotions until all manner of new problems are created. And
all for what? Your Husband left the top off the toothpaste tube, or
your girlfriend got up late for work and put her underwear on back to
front or inside out. (You jealous and suspicious men know what I am
talking about here)
In
the greater good of humanity and goodwill it behoves us to think far
more rationally before we explode. Before we are quick to judge, and
or over reactional in a response. And definitely before we lose the
respect of our loved ones, our nearest and dearest, or our friends.
But
more than this is a need, not to put the body and heart through
unnecessary anxiety and stress, which is leading to a very high rate
of deaths or coronary illness. Life is hard enough sometimes without
adding to our lot with degenerative illnesses as well. And who knows
if cancer is not triggered by a higher susceptibility to anger, just
as there have been studies showing a link to heart disease.
Lets
look at what the anger is about, and then why it should be stopped.
What good it does when it arrives and how we could avoid it popping
up at will. (Or without our active conscious participation)
anger (ˈæŋɡə
What the dictionary says about anger.
anger (ˈæŋɡə
)
Definitions
noun
- a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; wrath
verb
- (tr) to make angry; enrage
Word Origin
C12: from Old Norse angr grief; related to Old English enge, Old High German engi narrow, Latin angere to strangleSynonyms
View thesaurus entry
=
rage,
passion,
outrage,
temper,
fury,
resentment,
irritation,
wrath,
indignation,
annoyance,
agitation,
ire,
antagonism,
displeasure,
exasperation,
irritability,
spleen,
pique,
ill temper,
vehemence,
vexation,
high dudgeon
ill humour,
choler,
be on your back
=
enrage,
provoke,
outrage,
annoy,
offend,
excite,
irritate,
infuriate,
hassle,
aggravate,
incense,
fret,
gall,
madden,
exasperate,
nettle,
vex,
affront,
displease,
rile,
pique,
get on someone's nerves
antagonize,
get someone's back up,
piss someone off
put someone's back up,
nark,
make someone's blood boil
get in someone's hair,
get someone's dander up,
Quotations
"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change"
"Anger is a short madness"
"Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love"
"Never let the sun go down on your anger"
Anger,
it would seem obvious, is our response, actively chosen or
responsively chosen to something we believe that we don't like. We
possible ascertain that we would never like it in a month of Sundays
too, so totally exclude it from our reason to be tolerant.
A
few examples here.
- It is snowing whilst Christmas shopping and we haven't got a coat, so we have to run to the car, but it is still a few streets away. We fall over and break a leg and spend the entire holidays in hospital.
- Someone steals our car, and we need to get to work.
- Our best friend gets diagnosed with cancer.
- The food you ordered is late coming then cold when it arrives.
So
how are we going to deal with these examples ?
In
reality thinking about it, all these examples are easily explained.
That is to say, that we could deal with all of them, in the cold
light of day with a rational response. They all have or would cause
us to feel angry, cheated, sad, annoyed or disillusioned to some
degree. Anger in itself will change none of these situations one
iota. It will not solve anything or bring a quick recovery of any of
them. It does come up in us though when we are faced with or
presented with such adverse realities, as if we have no choice but to
respond in this way.
So
why then if this is what we would understand in a calm moment, do we
allow ourselves to get angry and spoil the calmness of our heart for
a moments lapse of this tranquillity? Letting ourselves get angry
feels like the right thing to do, and can feel like a good venting of
our frustrations, but can in fact be a continuation of the resentment
if we don't let anger go.
Many
wise people count to ten, breathe deeply for a while when they feel
anger rise in them, knowing that it will only lead to more uneasiness
later on. Anger feels like a valve but it does in fact not do that,
as it causes the body to tense and the mind to race into a series of
abnormal responses. Better to stop the anger in the moment it begins.
All
of our examples are going to be able to be dealt with anyway,
whatever our initial response. Cancer cannot be a piece of good news
of course, but reacting adversely will not cure it or remove the
tumorous material. Our anger will not get our food into our stomachs
faster or heat it enough. Breaking a leg because you were getting a
bit wet with snow is not a good outcome, nor is becoming enraged
because our car is missing and we are going to be late for work.
Dealing with the problem requires no anger at all. And anyone will
tell you that it is clear headedness that resolves problems and
issues, not frustration and anxiety.
We
can actually work at anger, by management courses if we are not
strong enough or resourceful enough to deal with it by ourselves, or
by refraining from seeing occurrences as a problem in the first
place.
It
rains, get a coat on. It is cold get a coat on. It is hot take your
coat off... get the idea. If there is something that you don't like,
then change it, move elsewhere, or close your eyes for a minute and
find a space where nothing is happening.
Anger
will never change the thing we are angry at. And if we are really
honest we will possibly realise that the thing 'making us angry' is
not responsible at all. But the way we look at things is.
Here
is something profound so take it with patience.
No-one
and nothing can make us angry.
Here
is an example of what I mean.
It
is dark an you don't have a torch. If you were blind, it would always
be like this......
Preparation
and/or honing other senses would help you survive.
Another
example.
The
plumber hasn't arrived and you need a shower.
If
you lived in Africa or other huge parts of the world there is no
plumbing, so you have to fetch water from dirty water holes miles
away.
You
don't know you are born, stop whining and have strip wash with a
flannel outside because it is raining.....!!
I
hope that you see the essence of what I am saying here. I am not
criticising anyone for having luxury or means. I am saying that anger
over the things you get angry about is futile and does not help you,
others or the rest of the world. It will lead to either more problems
or a shorter life...
Seek
ways to find peace within yourselves and live as if there are no
problems at all. When things happen, look for a way to alter or
accept, then your life will be a joy and not a constant state of
worry or resentments.
Christianity
is a way of finding someone else to blame for what is/has happened to
us. And it would seem with Islam too. Buddhism for example is a way
of life that shows us how to accept and deal with life and enjoy it
as a gift without trying to apportion blame for the bad to anyone.
I
am not a Buddhist myself, I am only observing what is clearly
evident, but in some way I am a practising human, who resembles a
follower of those truths. As a peaceful warrior I make no claims to
have found the solution to be permanently at peace, but I can realise
that getting angry is of neither use nor ornament... and
peace/patience is my chosen path towards experiencing a calmer heart,
better digestion and a life of happiness.
Have
you ever seen the Dalai Lama with a sad expression on his face ?
Well,
find out why if this statement makes you curious.
I
sincerely hope that this post has helped to show a western approach
to the kinds of solutions that are common in other cultures from the
east, including both idealisms with a hope to make them palatable to
everyone who suffers from anger.
And
don't forget to breath before you speak.......
Loads
of love and peace to you all.
Peaceful
Warrior.
