Love
like in the Movies.
For
in this life and on this tiny planet, there is just one special
person for each of us..
To
adore and be adored by, to hold and be held by and to love truly and
be loved in return by this same unique somebody. Or so the movies
would have us believe. On the surface don't we recoil at this idea as
somewhat sloppy, infantile and exclusive, such that it could never be
or become a reality ? A type of idealising that can only lead to
frustrations and heart ache, a love that can be easily shattered with
a tiny flaw of irregularity at any given moment ? Then why does the
emotion within, move us when we see these film characters giving in
to this genuine hope that love could be so intensely dramatic. And
why do so many of us subscribe to all of the romance that can lead us
to this destiny, this serendipitous moment with one special almost
god given divine creature ? Is it not a product of fantasy alone, to
believe that this one person is not only looking for us, but that we
will recognise them the instant they arrive before our eyes ?
Of
course many of us dream this could be true, and yet somehow we tire
of waiting and become convinced that reality is just not like this
and that the real love that we need to sustain us, is the kind that
grows over long periods of time. And that with hard work we shall
attain a level of happiness suitable to live with which is far more
appropriate than the love that it would appear could move mountains.
Some of us come close to understanding another human being well
enough to consider a life in their company, even if we are not driven
to passion by that arrangement, rather than live alone. Or worse, to
be judged by others as a failure at love if we don't have someone in
our beds at night.
Is
this not the truth for many of us ? Possibly even a majority of
people who choose someone, anyone, rather than be lonely or
continually single. Yes I feel you nodding, I too am one who has
chosen this stalemate rather than emptiness of a house a life or a
bed. I don't make assumptions nor judge anyone despite the questions
I raise here, none more so than myself. I simply want to raise the
discussion about how and even more importantly why we let go of our
dreams, and settle for the ordinary, long before the chances have
gone.
Questions
raise thoughts and thoughts require a time to be dissected, absorbed
and reviewed, and then we have an obligation to ourselves to find
answers to the doubts or responses we hear ourselves giving. The
human capacity for internal dialogue is a wonderful thing, yet it can
eventually drive us to the point of choice over the fear of
continuing with the debate. Some will say any choice is better than
none. No choice is not an option because it leads to regrets and
recriminations of our ability to follow our hearts and destinies.
Others say that fate has not left room for our choice so it doesn't
actually matter at all in the grand scheme of things. But I would
guess, no wager, that the majority of us, at least for some part of
our lives have entertained the notions that we were supposed to
follow some kind of signals, signs and or omens that would lead us to
be where we would meet our perfect match.
I
believe myself to be a sensible man, a man who can make decisions and
stick to the aims of those choices, regardless of the inner voices
that might accuse me of hasty or irrational decision making. But
somehow, despite many years of life and experience I have never been
able to shake the intense feeling that destiny lies in my own hands
and within the choices I am to make. And worse, when ever I see any
of these special movies that are about romantic timing and fate or
destiny, I go all mushy and tearful and still believe that there is a
hope for me. Don't misunderstand me I have loved. I have been, in
love. I have been moved by a person that I thought I would never be
able to live without. And those relationships have not ended because
the object of my desire died or was cruelly taken away by some other
weird twist of 'fate.' Nope, just plain old regular falling out of
love, or a mutual agreement to end the intimate part of the
relationships. I had hoped and believed in great depth that some of
those relationships would have lasted for all time. Sadly I was
wrong. So it makes it even harder now to recognise, just what is that
magic that needs to flow for me to see love as being true and
indefinite. Truth is, no-one really ever knows how that would feel,
until that magical moment when it is
happening to them. The creators of cinema have been able many times
to describe the various types of scenarios in which fate takes over
and love blossoms, yet even the best of the bunch can't quite say in
actual words and with definitive truth, just how we as people will
know the difference in our own distinct case. But my thanks go out to
those directors that have done such an amazing job of showing us,
just how it happens, and revealing in essence the power of the
attractions that let us believe that it will one day happen to and
for us.
I
have just re-watched an old classic, 'Sleepless in Seattle.' I
haven't seen it for many years and I cried a lot. Honestly I had no
idea just what a great movie that was, and how beautifully it
describes the desires of not only the boy who had lost his dear
mother to Cancer, but those of the father coping with the loss for
both of them, and how they go about dealing with life after her
death. And on the other side it shows just how the woman was living
in a contrived reality to believe that true love existed, whilst all
the time knowing it was not quite right. It is a beautiful and moving
film, with just enough drama to inspire anyone to understand that
patience will reward the faithful and the virtuous. But then there
are many films that touch on this theme as it is the most common
denominator in any film ever produced. Even war
films and shoot em up movies
have love included somewhere. Some of my all time favourites are
films such as 'Love Actually', 'Brigadoon', 'The Highlander', 'The
Holiday', 'The Time Travellers Wife', 'City of Angels', 'The Dead
Poets Society', 'First Knight', 'Camelot', 'You've Got Mail',
'Forever Young', 'Cast Away', 'Forest Gump', and finally the BIGGIE,
'Serendipity'. Incidentally Meg Ryan a fine actress and Tom Hanks an incredible actor, who star side by side in the Sleepless in
Seattle film also star in many of the others in my list. Neither are
what could classically be described as stunning looking actors, yet
something almost ordinary about them gives power to the film as they
show just how the ordinary nature of people can become anything but
ordinary, as they determine to reach out for the dream rather than an
otherwise ordinary life with make-do. The magic happens right there
on the screen before us and we weep for the reason that cannot be
contained any more. We see true love finding a way to reunite those
destined to be together.
Are we going to believe this can
happen to us ? Will we yet give in to mediocrity ? You know I am not
talking about this attraction that is being spread ferociously these
days, which is all about physical beauty. We are constantly being
bombarded with images of what the perfect image is and fascinate over
becoming this body perfect person. But that is not what I am talking
about here. I am talking about the chemistry that reaches beyond the
boundaries of form or stature alone and sees the person beneath. With
films such as 'Sleepless', we know that ordinary people can find the
amazing out there waiting for us, in another person who is with us
for who we are and not what we have or how beautiful we are in
appearance.
Do not think that I don't
realise that to be in love, compromises have to be made too for the
benefit of everyone. It is true that some adjustments need to be made
from both parties to accommodate one another. But if we do it
begrudgingly are we then sure that this is creating a context for a
productive relationship ? We should not need to compromise ourselves
out of resentment, we should do it because it is the best thing to do
to honour love. We should do it because love, and not fear drive us
to be this way. Love is the law.
I hope that this post helps you
as it has helped me in writing it, to be reminded that love is not
lost. We have only to wake up to its existence and walk about with
our eyes open so that when it comes our way we will be ready to
receive it. It may well be where you are already and with whom you
chose to spend your life. I am not advocating that you separate to go
fulfil the dream. But maybe you should rethink what moves you and
determine to act in a more productive way. Happiness is a state of
mind, not determined by external factors.
So:
Will you be my Annie ? My
Heather, my Maggie, my Guinevere or my Sarah ?
Can I yet prove to be your Sam,
your Connor, your Seth, your Lancelot or your Jonathan ?
Will our belief stay true and
never waver till we meet, finally at the top of the Empire state
building, until I perish, until I fall, until I save you, or until I
find that book and you discover that five Dollar bill ?
Yes
of course life cannot stop and it goes on regardless of the dreams we
hold or the plans we make in our youth. I just hope that we can stay
happy in the knowledge that we didn't settle for something less than
what was right for us. Because regret is a nasty sword and it can
impale us if we get too close.
Free is he or she that can say
honestly, “I have never surrendered to hopelessness in the face of
great odds.”
Life is somewhat short, so live
it as if everyday was your last, and fill it with acts of love and
sharing. And then that true love we were talking of, will find us
watching for it in readiness to live the time of our lives.
Please send me your comments and
let me know which films have moved you and tell us all why that film
in particular has done the job on you.
May the love of the universe
fill us all with love and light in the act of being true.
Peaceful Warrior.
