You
Know...
Why
on earth do people always say this during a conversation? Some say it
more than once per sentence which is kind of funny, yet somewhat
alarming.....!
Example;
I went to work this morning, you know and this guy right, yer know,
well he said to me, ya know, how long have you been single? Well I
nearly flipped my rocker you know, how very dare he say that to me,
yer know, bloody cheeky git, ya know.
All
right so I may have over egged it a bit, you know...
D'ya
get me?
It's
funny because it is obvious the person talking is not
listening, to them selves or to you. Or better said they are not
paying attention. For if they were, if they were reading your
attention and your responses, your body language they would already
know if you were listening to them, and would not have to ask if you
knew (understood) what they were gabbling on about. To be honest I
have caught myself doing it, and cringed. But I have tried to make a
mental note not to do it, you know... so that my conversations don't
become too boring and uninteresting to be listened to.
I'm
sure you will recognise it in yourselves too. But is it that
terrible? Is it a bad indication of your lack of intelligence and or
interest in paying attention when you speak, and to others responses
to your dialogue?
Lets
look at this a bit deeper. Psychologist would have a field day over
this I reckon. Past traumas and abuse from those of our responsible
elders, in teaching us the art of conversation and communications.
O.k. it may have begun long ago, and been deeply ingrained in us, to
speak without listening to the content and context of our
conversations. Perhaps we were not listened to as children, or maybe
we felt as though we weren't, more to the point. I am sure
this happened to me, I felt like a ghost in my house. That's why I
retaliated like a nightmare to my parents....!!!
Seriously,
I'm sure that I felt as though my comments were worthless, that I was
not enough to be taken seriously and believed by the people around
me. I used to write stories to mice who lived in my skirting boards
and under the floors of our farm house, because they always listened
and responded to me. Perhaps this was not your experience, mine could
be a severe case. Maybe it sent me mad, maybe it made me strong as a
fighter. But one thing is for sure, I adopted this, you know what
I mean ending to each sentence. It has taken me an absolute age
to rid myself of this constant habit, until I can make fun of it, do
you know what I mean?
See???
Lol......
Anyway
I am sure that this was what sparked this behaviour and lack of
attention to listening better. Now I wait patiently for the other to
finish and pause before I respond with my responses. (Some may argue
against this) Because it matters to me to be heard too. I try to give
all the relevant signals that I am listening and paying attention to
the orator of the speech so that they can see if I get what
they mean. Then they won't have to ask constantly for confirmation of
my understanding.
What
are some of the signs that show we are listening to another persons
dialogue?
Direct
eye contact.
Nodding
as if in agreement.
Shaking
the head as if in disagreement.
Responsive
remarks;
Yes,
Ugh huh, and so on.
Blanking
out noise and attentions to other things.
Facial
gestures.
Hand
gestures and body signals.
Not looking at our phones.
If
we pay attention to what others are saying, despite the content we
will be giving a valuable gesture of friendship to another. If the
content is unimportant to us, that is fair to evaluate, but a bit of
patience may be all the other person needs to feel loved and
considered. (And beside we can always slag them off later or talk
about them unkindly behind their backs)
(This is a humorous attempt not an instruction
I pray you understand, You know.....!)
It
may not feel like much, but I can assure you it matters to the
speaker, hence the reason they are speaking. But if you feel
the other person is speaking solely for the sake of speaking and
hearing their own voice, I urge you, PLEASE; Don't be cruel, find a
sympathetic way to explain this to them. Who knows what experiences
led them to be this way. We can be so much better than we have been,
and sharing our experiences and love and compassion will make the
world of difference, just you try it and see.
Imagine,
Eva Cassidy.
I
love you all, thank you for listening to me....
(Assuming
you are still reading....!)
(Responsive
comments welcome, lol..)
Love,
light, peace and hugs.
Peaceful
Warrior.
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