Uh,
excuse me, I'm in love with you.
Should
you tell someone you've recently met that you are falling in love
with them? Is it wise or even healthy to nurture and encourage strong
feelings despite real confirmation of reciprocative attitude?
Well
if I knew the answer to these questions then I could sell it and
become rich, very rich. Most people who have an attraction towards
someone else, mainly rely on receiving either a strong clue or a
direct response to the advances they make. Nobody likes to be
rejected do they? We all hope that our desires and dreams will be
fulfilled by the object of that desire, or we wouldn't find any
reason to put ourselves in that position in the first place. Surely
we don't enjoy the pain of rejection, and would prefer a smoother
experience.
One
of the best things about being 'in love' is the feeling of not
knowing entirely, as it keeps some mystery in our minds. That mystery
can keep our attentions for a while, and in the case of 'in love' can
often cloud our clear thinking and judgement making, sometimes to our
detriment. Being 'in love' can be a bit of a roller-coaster ride at
the beginning, whilst we come to terms with our own joy and
happiness. Anyone whom has ever been in that joyous state will
probably advise against taking it too seriously. Most of us have felt
the disappointment that comes from finding the other person doesn't
feel the same about us, or the contentment wears off and cracks
appear in the other persons character. But we do crave the excitement
we feel when we get a sense that another person whom we are attracted
to, also has a similar feeling in response. We get a 'buzz', a glow
of contentment and a sense of delight that they care about us in this
way. If we are lucky then things move forward and we see, enjoy more
of the other person and their company over the future days weeks and
months, until a proper relationship is formed. I have noticed that
normally within the first three months you will learn most of the
important things you need to know about that person. Enough to make a
better more sound judgement about the future prospects with that
person. A more intense experience can shorten this time considerably.
A holiday together for example, or anything that includes close
quarters over a sustained period. Obviously a normal response to this
information would be to decide whether we carry on in this way or
end/change the relationship. Few of us are foresighted enough to know
this information based on an instant 'feeling', so we often keep it
to ourselves, say nothing, or don't act upon that intuition at all.
The
problem seems to lay in our lack of awareness about what we really
want, and what is a justified and sensible way to reach that goal.
When we are young we want what we see, even if it potentially is a
transient craving, because we aren't experienced enough, to know what
the experience is, or what it will lead to, or the ramifications it
will bring upon us. Hence so many teen pregnancies, short
relationships and lack of proper and open communications.
Hey,
I'm not getting at any young people here, believe it or not I do
remember being young. Because when I was a teenager I knew
everything.... Now I am older, I realise that I know sweet F.A. but
what I do know, may be of use to me in avoiding same response
relationships, and/or guard against too much pain from the response
deficit.
But
being human, I get that part wrong too. So this post is as much about
my ability to rationalise correct procedures, as it is hopefully
helpful insight to anyone else who is reading this.
Lets
cut to the chase then:-
So
(my friend) has met a girl whom he likes very much. He felt her
energy way before he saw her face, saw the way she dressed, had
spoken to her or saw how cutely she walked. Long before he looked
into her eyes and felt his stomach go cartwheels, and his legs turn
to jelly. His, (my friend's) attraction was wholly down to the sixth
sense of intuition and he even managed to read her mind at a glimpse.
But,
as he engaged in the art of conversation he learned even more
incredible pieces of information, that added to his liking of this
young lady. When it came time to part company, he felt sad that the
evening was coming to a close, but was cheered by the thought of a
further encounter at a future time. Time was when he might have
rushed in like a bull in a china shop, and smashed the valuable
treasure he had seen. But he, (my friend) decided that caution was
the better part of valour. Nothing good came of 'rushing things'.
After all, what was the rush? Had life not taught him that, 'all good
things come to he/she who waits'? No it hadn't actually. Often he had
been paralysed by fear and missed golden opportunities. Now he had
learned a bit of patience, 'playing it cool', would be the better
option, even though his desire was to try to speed things up. Nothing
wrong with passion, and a bit of spontaneity, it was very desirable
sometimes to a young lady to be assured of the attractiveness she
held. But what was enough and what was too keen?
It
would be a fine balance between the two, and he had to take into
account the young ladies experience levels too. She seemed open and
'wise', but he didn't want to push too fast in case he scared her
away before she could get to know the real serious intentions he
held. Over a few brief encounters he felt as though he left strong
enough clues, that were also soft enough to not be too pushy, and
make her feel uncomfortable in his company. The doubts however came
to be his. For she had not given any real commitment to the
friendships continuance, and this therefore bode unfavourably.
Now
the sane thing to do at this point may be to let go, to walk away
from the thoughts of a relationship blossoming. But he had seen
something of her energy, well before he had verified any other
quality she displayed, and this was the bit that proved difficult.
Interpreting the intuition that he had some purpose to fulfil in the
relationship with her. That more than any other desire kept him in
doubt about all the years of experience to date. What good was the
past at all, if not an indicator of choices and direction in the now?
But
one clear piece of information kept coming back into his mind.
Relationships are two way streets. It takes two people to make one
work. Just because he was careful about making promises, and always
kept his word when he had said any kind of utterance regarding an
action, didn't mean that others would. Therefore his choices were
simple. Wait until more direct evidence came to light, or walk away
and forget the fleeting glimpse of paradise in her arms.
What
would you do if you were (my friend) in this situation?
As
per usual, the post ends with as many questions as it began with.
If
you feel like leaving any relevant information and comments about
this topic, we, (my friend and I) would be most appreciative.
Lots
of love and hugs....
Peaceful
Warrior.
I don't REALLY know what I'd do, but I hope I wouldn't give up and walk away without a conversation. I tend to underplay my emotions, so I'd probably limit myself to "I really like you and I'd like to keep seeing you, but I'm not sure how you feel about me." Sheesh, it never gets easier, does it?
ReplyDeleteThank you. Wise words. No it doesn't get any easier, but my 'friend', will no doubt benefit from all the help you offer....
ReplyDelete