Anger

Anger

Anger

I have been thinking about this topic for a while now, and studying my reactions to it and the hatred normally present behind the anger. Of course we can get angry without hatred of things, but it always seems to be there lurking.

But why do we get angry at all ?

What does it require to be angry, and why does it affect us so badly ?

Like me you may have noticed that anger doesn't seem to breed any good feeling at all. If anything it actually seems to lower our spirit of general well being, vexing us and causing untold angst in the future. It robs us of a calm heart and good feeling towards the object of our anger. Often that object is a person, whom we claim to love deeply, or an object we say that we cherish. Yet for a moment, or longer depending on what we resolve at that time, the pain caused from anger keeps us hyping up the real event, or the occasion that we deem responsible. And that anger may lead us to do something out of character or worse, beyond reasonable response.

The trouble with anger, it can so easily turn to rage, especially if we are used to not stopping the anger in its tracks quickly. Then it becomes almost impossible to determine what we will do or how we will refrain from over cooking the response. Rationality can go out of the window, along with the frying pan (don't ask..) and then all manner of new problems will then present themselves, which can be as annoying as the original concern. So you see anger leads to more problems than you started with and can often perpetuate the downward spiral of emotions until all manner of new problems are created. And all for what? Your Husband left the top off the toothpaste tube, or your girlfriend got up late for work and put her underwear on back to front or inside out. (You jealous and suspicious men know what I am talking about here)

In the greater good of humanity and goodwill it behoves us to think far more rationally before we explode. Before we are quick to judge, and or over reactional in a response. And definitely before we lose the respect of our loved ones, our nearest and dearest, or our friends.

But more than this is a need, not to put the body and heart through unnecessary anxiety and stress, which is leading to a very high rate of deaths or coronary illness. Life is hard enough sometimes without adding to our lot with degenerative illnesses as well. And who knows if cancer is not triggered by a higher susceptibility to anger, just as there have been studies showing a link to heart disease.

Lets look at what the anger is about, and then why it should be stopped. What good it does when it arrives and how we could avoid it popping up at will. (Or without our active conscious participation)

What the dictionary says about anger.

anger (ˈæŋɡə) 

Definitions

noun

1. a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; wrath

verb

2. (tr) to make angry; enrage

Word Origin

C12: from Old Norse angr  grief; related to Old English enge,  Old High German engi  narrow, Latin angere to strangle

Synonyms

View thesaurus entry

= rage, passion, outrage, temper, fury, resentment, irritation, wrath, indignation, annoyance, agitation, ire, antagonism, displeasure, exasperation, irritability, spleen, pique, ill temper, vehemence, vexation, high dudgeon ill humour, choler, be on your back

= enrage, provoke, outrage, annoy, offend, excite, irritate, infuriate, hassle, aggravate, incense, fret, gall, madden, exasperate, nettle, vex, affront, displease, rile, pique, get on someone's nerves antagonize, get someone's back up, piss someone off put someone's back up, nark, make someone's blood boil get in someone's hair, get someone's dander up,

Quotations

• "Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change" Malcolm X
• "Anger is a short madness" Horace
• "Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love" George Eliot
• "Never let the sun go down on your anger"

Anger, it would seem obvious, is our response, actively chosen or responsively chosen to something we believe that we don't like. We possible ascertain that we would never like it in a month of Sundays too, so totally exclude it from our reason to be tolerant.

A few examples here.

1. It is snowing whilst Christmas shopping and we haven't got a coat, so we have to run to the car, but it is still a few streets away. We fall over and break a leg and spend the entire holidays in hospital.
2. Someone steals our car, and we need to get to work.

3. Our best friend gets diagnosed with cancer.
4. The food you ordered is late coming then cold when it arrives.

So how are we going to deal with these examples ?

In reality thinking about it, all these examples are easily explained. That is to say, that we could deal with all of them, in the cold light of day with a rational response. They all have or would cause us to feel angry, cheated, sad, annoyed or disillusioned to some degree. Anger in itself will change none of these situations one iota. It will not solve anything or bring a quick recovery of any of them. It does come up in us though when we are faced with or presented with such adverse realities, as if we have no choice but to respond in this way.

So why then if this is what we would understand in a calm moment, do we allow ourselves to get angry and spoil the calmness of our heart for a moments lapse of this tranquillity? Letting ourselves get angry feels like the right thing to do, and can feel like a good venting of our frustrations, but can in fact be a continuation of the resentment if we don't let anger go.

Many wise people count to ten, breathe deeply for a while when they feel anger rise in them, knowing that it will only lead to more uneasiness later on. Anger feels like a valve but it does in fact not do that, as it causes the body to tense and the mind to race into a series of abnormal responses. Better to stop the anger in the moment it begins.

All of our examples are going to be able to be dealt with anyway, whatever our initial response. Cancer cannot be a piece of good news of course, but reacting adversely will not cure it or remove the tumorous material. Our anger will not get our food into our stomachs faster or heat it enough. Breaking a leg because you were getting a bit wet with snow is not a good outcome, nor is becoming enraged because our car is missing and we are going to be late for work. Dealing with the problem requires no anger at all. And anyone will tell you that it is clear headedness that resolves problems and issues, not frustration and anxiety.

We can actually work at anger, by management courses if we are not strong enough or resourceful enough to deal with it by ourselves, or by refraining from seeing occurrences as a problem in the first place.

It rains, get a coat on. It is cold get a coat on. It is hot take your coat off... get the idea. If there is something that you don't like, then change it, move elsewhere, or close your eyes for a minute and find a space where nothing is happening.

Anger will never change the thing we are angry at. And if we are really honest we will possibly realise that the thing 'making us angry' is not responsible at all. But the way we look at things is.

Here is something profound so take it with patience.

No-one and nothing can make us angry.

Here is an example of what I mean.

It is dark an you don't have a torch. If you were blind, it would always be like this......

Preparation and/or honing other senses would help you survive.

Another example.

The plumber hasn't arrived and you need a shower.

If you lived in Africa or other huge parts of the world there is no plumbing, so you have to fetch water from dirty water holes miles away.

You don't know you are born, stop whining and have strip wash with a flannel outside because it is raining.....!!

I hope that you see the essence of what I am saying here. I am not criticising anyone for having luxury or means. I am saying that anger over the things you get angry about is futile and does not help you, others or the rest of the world. It will lead to either more problems or a shorter life...

Seek ways to find peace within yourselves and live as if there are no problems at all. When things happen, look for a way to alter or accept, then your life will be a joy and not a constant state of worry or resentments.

Christianity is a way of finding someone else to blame for what is/has happened to us. And it would seem with Islam too. Buddhism for example is a way of life that shows us how to accept and deal with life and enjoy it as a gift without trying to apportion blame for the bad to anyone.

I am not a Buddhist myself, I am only observing what is clearly evident, but in some way I am a practising human, who resembles a follower of those truths. As a peaceful warrior I make no claims to have found the solution to be permanently at peace, but I can realise that getting angry is of neither use nor ornament... and peace/patience is my chosen path towards experiencing a calmer heart, better digestion and a life of happiness.

Have you ever seen the Dalai Lama with a sad expression on his face ?

Well, find out why if this statement makes you curious.

I sincerely hope that this post has helped to show a western approach to the kinds of solutions that are common in other cultures from the east, including both idealisms with a hope to make them palatable to everyone who suffers from anger.

And don't forget to breath before you speak.......

Loads of love and peace to you all.

Peaceful Warrior.