Saturday, 18 May 2013
Uh, excuse me, I'm in love with you.
Uh, excuse me, I'm in love with you.
Should you tell someone you've recently met that you are falling in love with them? Is it wise or even healthy to nurture and encourage strong feelings despite real confirmation of reciprocative attitude?
Well if I knew the answer to these questions then I could sell it and become rich, very rich. Most people who have an attraction towards someone else, mainly rely on receiving either a strong clue or a direct response to the advances they make. Nobody likes to be rejected do they? We all hope that our desires and dreams will be fulfilled by the object of that desire, or we wouldn't find any reason to put ourselves in that position in the first place. Surely we don't enjoy the pain of rejection, and would prefer a smoother experience.
One of the best things about being 'in love' is the feeling of not knowing entirely, as it keeps some mystery in our minds. That mystery can keep our attentions for a while, and in the case of 'in love' can often cloud our clear thinking and judgement making, sometimes to our detriment. Being 'in love' can be a bit of a roller-coaster ride at the beginning, whilst we come to terms with our own joy and happiness. Anyone whom has ever been in that joyous state will probably advise against taking it too seriously. Most of us have felt the disappointment that comes from finding the other person doesn't feel the same about us, or the contentment wears off and cracks appear in the other persons character. But we do crave the excitement we feel when we get a sense that another person whom we are attracted to, also has a similar feeling in response. We get a 'buzz', a glow of contentment and a sense of delight that they care about us in this way. If we are lucky then things move forward and we see, enjoy more of the other person and their company over the future days weeks and months, until a proper relationship is formed. I have noticed that normally within the first three months you will learn most of the important things you need to know about that person. Enough to make a better more sound judgement about the future prospects with that person. A more intense experience can shorten this time considerably. A holiday together for example, or anything that includes close quarters over a sustained period. Obviously a normal response to this information would be to decide whether we carry on in this way or end/change the relationship. Few of us are foresighted enough to know this information based on an instant 'feeling', so we often keep it to ourselves, say nothing, or don't act upon that intuition at all.
The problem seems to lay in our lack of awareness about what we really want, and what is a justified and sensible way to reach that goal. When we are young we want what we see, even if it potentially is a transient craving, because we aren't experienced enough, to know what the experience is, or what it will lead to, or the ramifications it will bring upon us. Hence so many teen pregnancies, short relationships and lack of proper and open communications.
Hey, I'm not getting at any young people here, believe it or not I do remember being young. Because when I was a teenager I knew everything.... Now I am older, I realise that I know sweet F.A. but what I do know, may be of use to me in avoiding same response relationships, and/or guard against too much pain from the response deficit.
But being human, I get that part wrong too. So this post is as much about my ability to rationalise correct procedures, as it is hopefully helpful insight to anyone else who is reading this.
Lets cut to the chase then:-
So (my friend) has met a girl whom he likes very much. He felt her energy way before he saw her face, saw the way she dressed, had spoken to her or saw how cutely she walked. Long before he looked into her eyes and felt his stomach go cartwheels, and his legs turn to jelly. His, (my friend's) attraction was wholly down to the sixth sense of intuition and he even managed to read her mind at a glimpse.
But, as he engaged in the art of conversation he learned even more incredible pieces of information, that added to his liking of this young lady. When it came time to part company, he felt sad that the evening was coming to a close, but was cheered by the thought of a further encounter at a future time. Time was when he might have rushed in like a bull in a china shop, and smashed the valuable treasure he had seen. But he, (my friend) decided that caution was the better part of valour. Nothing good came of 'rushing things'. After all, what was the rush? Had life not taught him that, 'all good things come to he/she who waits'? No it hadn't actually. Often he had been paralysed by fear and missed golden opportunities. Now he had learned a bit of patience, 'playing it cool', would be the better option, even though his desire was to try to speed things up. Nothing wrong with passion, and a bit of spontaneity, it was very desirable sometimes to a young lady to be assured of the attractiveness she held. But what was enough and what was too keen?
It would be a fine balance between the two, and he had to take into account the young ladies experience levels too. She seemed open and 'wise', but he didn't want to push too fast in case he scared her away before she could get to know the real serious intentions he held. Over a few brief encounters he felt as though he left strong enough clues, that were also soft enough to not be too pushy, and make her feel uncomfortable in his company. The doubts however came to be his. For she had not given any real commitment to the friendships continuance, and this therefore bode unfavourably.
Now the sane thing to do at this point may be to let go, to walk away from the thoughts of a relationship blossoming. But he had seen something of her energy, well before he had verified any other quality she displayed, and this was the bit that proved difficult. Interpreting the intuition that he had some purpose to fulfil in the relationship with her. That more than any other desire kept him in doubt about all the years of experience to date. What good was the past at all, if not an indicator of choices and direction in the now?
But one clear piece of information kept coming back into his mind. Relationships are two way streets. It takes two people to make one work. Just because he was careful about making promises, and always kept his word when he had said any kind of utterance regarding an action, didn't mean that others would. Therefore his choices were simple. Wait until more direct evidence came to light, or walk away and forget the fleeting glimpse of paradise in her arms.
What would you do if you were (my friend) in this situation?
As per usual, the post ends with as many questions as it began with.
If you feel like leaving any relevant information and comments about this topic, we, (my friend and I) would be most appreciative.
Lots of love and hugs....