Sunday, 15 September 2013
Why on earth do people always say this during a conversation? Some say it more than once per sentence which is kind of funny, yet somewhat alarming.....!
Example; I went to work this morning, you know and this guy right, yer know, well he said to me, ya know, how long have you been single? Well I nearly flipped my rocker you know, how very dare he say that to me, yer know, bloody cheeky git, ya know.
All right so I may have over egged it a bit, you know...
D'ya get me?
It's funny because it is obvious the person talking is not listening, to them selves or to you. Or better said they are not paying attention. For if they were, if they were reading your attention and your responses, your body language they would already know if you were listening to them, and would not have to ask if you knew (understood) what they were gabbling on about. To be honest I have caught myself doing it, and cringed. But I have tried to make a mental note not to do it, you know... so that my conversations don't become too boring and uninteresting to be listened to.
I'm sure you will recognise it in yourselves too. But is it that terrible? Is it a bad indication of your lack of intelligence and or interest in paying attention when you speak, and to others responses to your dialogue?
Lets look at this a bit deeper. Psychologist would have a field day over this I reckon. Past traumas and abuse from those of our responsible elders, in teaching us the art of conversation and communications. O.k. it may have begun long ago, and been deeply ingrained in us, to speak without listening to the content and context of our conversations. Perhaps we were not listened to as children, or maybe we felt as though we weren't, more to the point. I am sure this happened to me, I felt like a ghost in my house. That's why I retaliated like a nightmare to my parents....!!!
Seriously, I'm sure that I felt as though my comments were worthless, that I was not enough to be taken seriously and believed by the people around me. I used to write stories to mice who lived in my skirting boards and under the floors of our farm house, because they always listened and responded to me. Perhaps this was not your experience, mine could be a severe case. Maybe it sent me mad, maybe it made me strong as a fighter. But one thing is for sure, I adopted this, you know what I mean ending to each sentence. It has taken me an absolute age to rid myself of this constant habit, until I can make fun of it, do you know what I mean?
Anyway I am sure that this was what sparked this behaviour and lack of attention to listening better. Now I wait patiently for the other to finish and pause before I respond with my responses. (Some may argue against this) Because it matters to me to be heard too. I try to give all the relevant signals that I am listening and paying attention to the orator of the speech so that they can see if I get what they mean. Then they won't have to ask constantly for confirmation of my understanding.
What are some of the signs that show we are listening to another persons dialogue?
Direct eye contact.
Nodding as if in agreement.
Shaking the head as if in disagreement.
Yes, Ugh huh, and so on.
Blanking out noise and attentions to other things.
Hand gestures and body signals.
Not looking at our phones.
If we pay attention to what others are saying, despite the content we will be giving a valuable gesture of friendship to another. If the content is unimportant to us, that is fair to evaluate, but a bit of patience may be all the other person needs to feel loved and considered. (And beside we can always slag them off later or talk about them unkindly behind their backs) (This is a humorous attempt not an instruction I pray you understand, You know.....!)
It may not feel like much, but I can assure you it matters to the speaker, hence the reason they are speaking. But if you feel the other person is speaking solely for the sake of speaking and hearing their own voice, I urge you, PLEASE; Don't be cruel, find a sympathetic way to explain this to them. Who knows what experiences led them to be this way. We can be so much better than we have been, and sharing our experiences and love and compassion will make the world of difference, just you try it and see.
Imagine, Eva Cassidy.
I love you all, thank you for listening to me....
(Assuming you are still reading....!)
(Responsive comments welcome, lol..)
Love, light, peace and hugs.