Sunday, 3 November 2013
A delusion of fear.
Someone says your name, their eyes dart away and immediately you are aware that they are talking about you. They carry on talking but don't look at you again. Do you care what they are saying, what they might be revealing about you to another? Does the dread grip you? Do you start to sweat, become enraged as the conversation becomes quieter, as if you aren't meant to hear any more?
Yes this is one of those old habits hard to break free of. Suspicion attached to what others say about you, both in your presence and behind your back. Of course anyone with nothing to hide would have nothing to fear, would they? BUT, what if you do have something to hide, something you would rather people didn't know about you? Then it could conceivably be a worry and cause you angst. Why does it matter what was/is being said anyway? Why do you care if people see you in a good light or not? What is driving the suspicion about another's motives?
Again, so many damned questions....
I want to focus on the suspicion of our minds that can and does seem to lead to much stress and anxiety about such things. I feel sure that if we took ego out of the equation and saw the reality of the dialogues, much of the fear would dissipate. If we were able to reason clearly upon what other peoples speculations and chatter was pertaining to, we quite possibly could live free of such potentially harmful practices as suspicion, particularly those of the mind. Where in fact they are and can remain, without harming us at all.
Judging another persons motives stems from what ability do you think? Sound reason? Intuition? Direct insights from god? What if I were to imply that what sparks our ability to judge others, is nothing more than our own observed patterns of thought. We see in others, that which we fail to recognise in ourselves...! What I mean is that what we evaluate others are thinking, we too have been thinking, if we were able to be totally honest with ourselves. Failing to recognise it in ourselves is directed by fear of accepting the thought that we could be not as good and as clean and as virtuous as we would like others to think we are. It could simply be a trick of our egos, being trapped into a corner and trying desperately to escape without harm.
Ego can do this to us. It tries to project an image of wholeness and of righteousness and clarity of action in all we do. It does this by plotting to big itself up by putting others down, or by sabotaging our attempts to live free of its control. If we simply acted more truthfully, and spoke with more actual clarity it could not take over. And we would have no reason to fear the views of others. They would surely see the truth for themselves and know it as such.
It could also be that our suspicions are related to our non-acceptance of our own misjudged view of the world and the actions of people. I believe that if we could accept the mistakes we make and try harder to avoid making them again, with a gentleness towards our doubts then we could be free of suspicions. No one is perfectly equipped to deal with every situation. The ego wants a better place in others eyes and demands that we act to do that. Don't do it, be true to yourself and feel the love of forgiveness and generosity towards your attempts, no matter how awful they are on reflection. Hindsight is a thing that can be as useful as a chocolate fire-guard if we let it get close to the fire. But we can see in using it, how stupid or negative our actions were to all concerned, especially ourselves.
So, what is it that you are hiding? What do you fear other people finding out about you?
We have all had bad experiences happen to us. Few people really would say that they had had no negative or shocking things happen to them. In terms of how we as human beings evaluate the 'seriousness' of those events and how the society in which we live commonly views those things, we might conclude that some events aren't relevant to the way we feel about ourselves. I would argue the case for the defence. My own life revelations have taught me that during my upbringing, several events took place, that I wasn't even consciously aware of. The scars ran much deeper than I could have imagined, but none the less they affected the way I felt about myself and how I looked at how others perceived me. In a way that is not classically, historically considered abuse, I was neglected to a degree during the formative years of my development. I am not even blaming the responsible adults here, they are not entirely at fault either. But abuses of the kind that cause long term damage are easily overlooked, unless they are spotted and corrected.
Painful as it might be, I feel we should quickly look at some forms of abuse that can and have obviously left deep scars in many adult people, potentially the responsible factors for the current feelings of suspicion. Of course abuse more often happens to children, and that is where we start, for it leads to damaged perceptions as we grow up.
(General note: I am not a recognised Psychologist or Councillor and what I say here in no way expresses whole stock the views of trained professionals. They are merely my own researched observations)
Childabuse. This can take many forms of course, the more recognised forms are sexual, physical and emotional abuse. But the lesser considered one is neglect (abandonment). In the professional opinion child (abuse) mistreatments can be by both commission or by omission and can take place in many varied environments. Child abuse can occur in a child's home, or in the organizations, schools or communities the child interacts with. There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. (wikipedia)
The reason I mentioned the first three as being obvious is that for a long time many people didn't believe in child abuse. That is to say that they hadn't actually recognised the affects that events happening in childhood as potentially having such detrimental affects as they indeed have had. Later experts in the field began to determine, that of course pre-pubescent sexual activity with a minor however serious (penetrative or otherwise)(resisted (rape) or consensual) and performed by both adults or other minors, were in fact harmful to a child's development. Next came the physical events, beatings, chastisement of a more serious nature, even tortures that had brought about much suffering in children. And again the direct causes of this then became more apparent as to breeding emotional abuse. Equally so these types of abuse, can and have had physical ramifications, harm done both temporary and permanent to a body. Emotional abuse by definition is not physical, but it can and was discovered to have been the connected outcome to the first two mentioned as well as an abuse in its own right. What is being used to create this type of abuse is mainly fear. A child being told they aren't good enough, clever enough and worthy to be loved are the more common and recognisable forms. But for a long time I would guess the next form went somewhat unnoticed. Neglect is something harder to determine, and far harder to conceive of. Why on earth a parent would have a child for example and then fail to nurture and care for it and show it the love and tenderness that it craves is less obvious to determine. Many factors of course come into it, such as the parent also having been a victim of abuse, either directly or indirectly connected with their own child. Or maybe the parent/s were not ready for this invasion of another mouth to feed and person to care for. Whatever the circumstances, the damage is as equally damaging to a child as the physical abuse. My feelings and beliefs are that abuse has to stop! However slight and however well intentioned discipline is, it needs to be measured out with caution and balance, or the ramifications could be life changing for the child.
So in conclusion, I truly understand why it may be difficult for anyone to want to revisit their particular pasts and demons. But I believe that from my own personal experiences, this was absolutely necessary for me to let go of them. To be free of the troubles that have caused me untold sleepless night and breakdowns in communications with loved ones in relationships, it was completely justified. As a result I feel far more whole as a person and much less suspicious of others idle chatter. Sadly there is still one side affect to having opened my eyes to this issue of society. I can see in others that which I previously failed to recognise in myself. Personal troubles. And that is not an easy gift to carry by any means. It often makes me choose differently, and determine to avoid certain people. Not because I don't care, but because sometimes the best way to help another person, is to not help at all. I've tried many times and it came across as interfering and less than compassionate to the person I had tried to assist. Be careful what you do, and the reasons for your doing it is all I offer as advice here.
There were many other troubles that could have been discussed here relevant to the topic, cheating, lying, jealousy and greed for example, however I shall save that for another day.
Phew....that was a heavy one to let out. I sincerely pray it offers a help to you, as it has done for me.
Love, peace, light and harmony.